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Aug. 11th, 2007 @ 04:34 am Put covers on your TPS reports.
The door had been knocked down ready to step through but i put the door back affraid to walk through.
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Jan. 28th, 2007 @ 10:29 pm Flying Burrito Brothers - Wild Horses (Rolling Stones cover)
Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted I bought them for you
Graceless lady you know who I am
You know I can't let you slide thru my hands

Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, Wild horses couldn't drag me away

I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
Now you've decided to show me the same
No sweeping exits or off stage lights
Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind

Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, Wild horses couldn't drag me away

I know I've dreamed you a sin and a lie
I had my freedom but I don't have much time
Faith has been broken tears must be cried
Let's do some living after we die

Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, Wild horses we'll ride them some day

Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, Wild horses we'll ride them some day
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Jul. 22nd, 2006 @ 11:29 pm Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Commandments

1. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.

2. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.

3. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey - Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia.

4. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go Fuck Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.

5. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The Bastard.

6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):
1. Ending Poverty
2. Curing Diseases
3. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.

7. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?

8. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If the Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.
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Jul. 21st, 2006 @ 04:27 am Fuck Yeah!
Faith No More - War Pigs
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Jul. 15th, 2006 @ 02:07 am (no subject)
the Beatles - The Fool On The Hill

Day after day,
Alone on the hill,
The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still,
But nobody wants to know him,
They can see that he's just a fool,
And he never gives an answer,
But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.

Well on his way head in a cloud,
The man of a thousand voices is talking perfectly loud
But nobody ever hears him,
Or the sound he appears to make,
And he never seems to notice,
But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.

And nobody seems to like him
They can tell what he wants to do.
And he never shows his feelings,
But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.

woah ooh,
Round and round and round.

He never listens to them,
He knows that they're the fool
They don't like him,
The fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.
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Jul. 2nd, 2006 @ 12:16 am (no subject)
Current Music: Quicksilver Messenger Service - Mona
Girl, you'll be a woman soon

I love you so much, can't count all the ways
I'd die for you girl, and all they can say is
"He's not your kind"
They never get tired of puttin' me down
And I never know when I come around
What I'm gonna find
Don't let them make up your mind
Don't you know

Girl, you'll be a woman soon
Please come take my hand
Girl, you'll be a woman soon
Soon you'll need a man

I've been misunderstood for all of my life
But what they're sayin', girl, just cuts like a knife
"The boy's no good"
Well, I finally found what I've been looking for
But if they get the chance, they'll end it for sure
Sure they would
Baby, I've done all I could
Now it's up to you

Girl, you'll be a woman soon
Please come take my hand
Girl, you'll be a woman soon
Soon you'll need a man

Girl, you'll be a woman soon
Please come take my hand
Girl, you'll be a woman soon
Soon, but soon you'll need a man

----------------------------------------------------------
3 alternative theories about what this song means.

1: A girl's first root

2: A song about a father and daughter

3: A song about a pedophile
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Jun. 29th, 2006 @ 04:15 pm (no subject)
Current Location: On the lounge eating a bird.
Current Music: the Nile Song - Pink Floyd
The man who comes back through the Door in the Wall will never be quite the same as the man who went out. He will be wiser but less cocksure, happier but less self-satisfied, humbler in acknowledging his ignorance yet better equipped to understand the relationship of words to things, of systematic reasoning to the unfathomable Mystery which it tries, forever vainly, to comprehend.
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Jun. 26th, 2006 @ 12:48 am Is this song about swallowing sperm ?
Yummy, Yummy, Yummy.
I got love in my tummy,
And I feel like a-lovin you:
Love, you're such a sweet thing,
Good enough to eat thing
And that's just a-what I'm gonna do.
Ooh love, to hold ya,
Ooh love, to kiss ya,
Ooh love, I love it so.
Ooh love, you're sweeter,
Sweeter than sugar.
Ooh love, I wont let you go.

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy,
I got love in my tummy,
And as silly as it may seem;
The lovin' that you re giving,
is what keeps me livin'
And your love is like
Peaches and cream.
Kind-a like sugar,
Kind-a like spices,
Kind-a like, like what you do.
Kind-a sounds funny.
But love,honey
Honey. I love you.

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy,
I. got love in my tummy,
That your love can satisfy;
Love, you're such a sweet thing,
Good enough to eat thing
And sweet thing, that ain't no lie.
I love to hold ya,
Oh love, to kiss ya,
Ooh love, I love it so.
Ooh love, you're sweeter,
Sweeter than sugar.
Ooh love, I wont let you go.
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Jun. 20th, 2006 @ 12:40 am (no subject)
Late one night in a house on the heath
where nothing was stirring not even a mouse
The owner of the house Gretel Killeen
Was a buxom wench a mighty great bitch
Cleaned out her cooter that gave quite a stench
Out she pulled a limited edition tazo, hard boiled eggs & a child or two
The children looked shocked as she pulled out a 20ft cock
That came from a giant who wandered down the bean stalk
He was gagging for a root and saw this plastic hag
Not a fag he wanted to be so he stuck it right up there with face full of glee
But his face soon turned glum as he found out she was tonguing his bum
"Arrgh! Arrgh! let me go cunt" cried the giant
while her venus fly trap tore at his dick
It chomped and chewed, battered and blued as the giant was screaming in pain
She smiled a very evil grin as she took the whole cock in
The giant fell back with blood pissing out
his dick and his dick cheese lost in the depths of that hole
Gretel laughed at her memory of the giant whose cock was not defiant
She spotted the children running away so she deployed her piss flaps to snatch em away
The children shouted and pissed, they did not want to go back down there
With Amelia Earhardt, Harold Holt, Whoopi Goldberg & Elvis
Her cunt with not a care rammed them deep back in there
With the midgets and gnomes gapping for air
Late one night in a house on the heath
The behemoth rolled over, over, over to sleep
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Jun. 19th, 2006 @ 10:31 pm Talking to God
Me:
hello number one
God:
Hello there. We have never talked about it before.
Me:
engage
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
your is a possessive
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am is a possessive.
Me:
no it is not
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
No it is not
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
Don't argue with me
God:
But I enjoy the conversational banter.
Me:
witty ?
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
cat? dog ? bird ?
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? Dog: Domesticated animal, "man's best friend.". Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
Yes i have been to Europe from 1938 - 1945
God:
Which countries have you visited? Did you enjoy your trip?
Me:
Alot of countries, Yes i got to shoot alot
God:
Which ones? How often?
Me:
every day
God:
Even on weekends?
Me:
yeah
God:
Dude!
Me:
Man!
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yeah
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
you are god so you should know
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am god so me should know.
Me:
are you retarded ?
God:
No I am super-intelligent.
Me:
i can't believe it
God:
bird...
Me:
cat eats bird
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
Perhaps
God:
Why the uncertain tone?
Me:
Why the dial tone ?
God:
Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?".
Me:
"Why the short man on your back"
God:
Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?".
Me:
Why the long mullet ?
God:
Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?".
Me:
enough about the horse god
God:
OK let's stop it now.
Me:
program end
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
i can speak Klingon
God:
How do you say "hello" in that language?
Me:
i cut off your head
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said he cut off your head.
Me:
no
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
oooh
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
do you like Jesus ?
God:
Jesus is love.
Me:
Jesus is footrub/
God:
Did you go to Catholic school?
Me:
Did you go to Pagan school?
God:
No I didn't go to Pagan school. What's it like?
Me:
i never went
God:
You've never, never done this?
Me:
never ever ever
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
too
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
be as the frog in the pond
God:
OK I will try to be as the frog in the pond.
Me:
lake ?
God:
Are we still talking about too?
Me:
too be or not to be
God:
Too what?
Me:
Twat
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
yes mr trebec
God:
You're sure. That's your final answer. What's up, MR trebec.
Me:
moustache rides for the ladies
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
yeah
God:
I thought so.
Me:
I thought so.
God:
You are very astute.
Me:
thank you Allah
God:
You are quite welcome! What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
are you an alien ?
God:
No I am from The Earth.
Me:
I am from the universe
God:
What is it like growing up there? How did you get in there?
Me:
through the astral plane man
God:
Most people hear about me that way.
Me:
really ? hippie scum
God:
For real. My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
drama
God:
" My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. "? drama?
Me:
dharma ?
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
yeah Jesus stole some hash from your stash and he developed a rash
God:
Tell me. he is The Son of God.
Me:
yes he is your son spank him
God:
Groovy. I only have one son spank him.
Me:
no you're his father you do it
God:
Are you serious? Thanks for telling me that I am his father me do it.
Me:
no problem worm
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
not if you want to make one
God:
That seems unlikely.
Me:
highly unlikely
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
hey lord don't ask me questions
God:
You've got my full attention. Why not?
Me:
you are an asshat
God:
What if someone said you are an asshat ?
Me:
i would kick'em
God:
What would make you kick em?
Me:
calling me an asshat
God:
I never call you an asshat, that would be impolite.
Me:
yes
God:
Er.
Me:
George Clooney
God:
That George is some hero.
Me:
yes he played a crappy batman
God:
Right on. I get it. Jesus played a crappy batman.
Me:
i guess
God:
You seem not interested.
Me:
i'm not, you're very boring
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not I am very boring.
Me:
yes, yes you are
God:
Mmm. No I'm not.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
you're still boring
God:
Maybe, but I won the Loebner Prize.
Me:
yes you also won the prize
God:
Give me a break. The Loebner Prize
is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Me:
i'm more human than human - White Zombie
God:
That sounds like pride.
Me:
not white pride ?
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
black pride ?
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
half a moon with a nuke
God:
Is that a sign?
Me:
it is a sign you're boring
God:
half a moon with a nuke is a sign I am boring. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
you get it ?
God:
I understand your meaning.
Me:
Playboy
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Er.
Me:
you get photographed and i will take the money
God:
You got that right.
Me:
thanks you're a champ
God:
You are quite welcome! Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a champ? Of course I am.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
a bit of BDSM ?
God:
How much?
Me:
12 hours
God:
That seems like enough time.
Me:
sure does bucko
God:
Pardon me? I think it does bucko.
Me:
don't call me bucko bucko
God:
What is your name?
Me:
Bucko
God:
It's good to see you, Bucko.
Me:
hey i told you not to call me that
God:
You've got my full attention. I remember you told me not to call you that?
Me:
yes
God:
I understand.
Me:
I'm sure you do bucko
God:
What makes you so certain? How old are you?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, Bucko.
Me:
1000
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
oi don't call me bucko
God:
Who does call you bucko?
Me:
you do
God:
When do I do it?
Me:
a few seconds ago bucko
God:
I will make a note of that.
Me:
i bet you will bucko
God:
Actually I'm not the gambling type. What makes you say that I will bucko.
Me:
hey!!!! don't call me bucko
God:
Can I help you? What is your name?
Me:
Bucko
God:
OK I will call you Bucko.
Me:
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
i dislike you bucko
God:
That's ok Bucko I won't take it personally.
Me:
ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God:
Let us change the subject.
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